I swear i'm gonna fucking lose it sooner or later...i really can't take it anymore....

i'm talking of course of the army, wonderful piece of shit that it is.

6 months into the army wasn't so bad, cos you were doing different things and learning lots of stuff...but now that i've hit the 1 year mark...with more than a year to the end in sight and the sheer monotony of it sets in...i say screw defending the country.

its slowly but surely sucking the life and creative juices out of me. cause i feel myself growing stupider by the minute. just because i'm wasting 1 year of my life here. No retraining opportunites, no chance to jump ship to another department, no performance based wage increments..its like slaving in a white collar cubicle. except the cubicle walls are 5 metres high. With no windows.

I mean day after day after day the same old boring routine sets in, Just how do people even live like that? Is that what that real adult world is going to be like? if it is i rather go back into my little hiding hole and never ever come out... Imean give me abreak. Ship me to combat even just so that i can appreciate warm food again if thats what it takes. No things to look forward to on weekends, nothing to look forward when i go home...just the sheer realisation that tmr..i have to wake up early and do the same fucking thing that i do every fucking morning and which i just did this fucking afternoon...

And i just heard my warrant officer say he was a private for 6 years of old skool pre3G army...and just because of that he earns my respect for the moment. Cause anybody who goes through that much shit deserves a better life.

"somebody kill me please
I'm on my knees
pretty pretty please
kill me...
I want to dieeee
Put a bullet in my headdddddddd"