hopefully u would already have guessed that it is as good as dead.

its not bcos i dun have the time to update..hell even now i'm surfing iichan and dl stuff. I can't understand ppl when they say they dun update their blogs during exam periods becos they dun have time.

its not bcos i have nothing to write. hell i'm daydreaming half the time...the other half is in front of the com :)

its bcos this blog wasn't what i intended it to be. I let it degrade to wat it has become todae because i became chained to the relationships and the feelings of the ppl who do read this blog, and i didn't have the courage to test them. There are things i do want to share with ppl...but there are also times when i wished to be alone, times when i felt irritated by the ppl around me. And these irritations though they are provoked by my mood, were ever present, they just got supressed by the carefree and playful facade of happiness that i wear on my face each and everyday 24/7. Yet when these moments arrive find myself at a loss for what to do...

In some measure this blog allowed me tof some of that. But even then i separated my emotions into personnas...to preserve this image that i contributed a large part to building. Well guess wat? its all me. MINE. And i became obligated to write this blog for the ppl around me instead of myself.

Well i'm tired of playing this game...

Maybe someone else might have been able to write a blog that was unadulterated, but not me. not when other ppl are reading it.

To my friends: You all have been good friends to me and i appreciate that i really do. u made my stay in vjc much better than what it would had been...but none of u will be my best friends. So i think i'm going to give up any pretense right here and now. And i'm just gonna say abt what i feel abt u all. even for some of those who dun noe abt this blog.

jermee- i hate u. i dunno why. or rather i think i noe why. but i 'm not going to put it here. about the only thing we prob have in common is being friends of tk. For the longest time i tried to find a way in which we could bond but in the end the only thing that came out of it was that u would try to sustain the convos by yourself and i would go back to my day-dreaming. And it became such that i dread going to your house or going out in a group with you.

tk-i really dunno what to do abt u. u have introduced me to a lot of cool stuff on the net and a lot of the music i like was suggested by you...and u were the one who really got me hooked on anime. But in the end when i think about it our friendship was built on common interest in the things we like...and thats not a bad way to start. but i feel as if it didn't progress beyond that. not one bit. I dunno what best frens are supposed to be and u came the closest to anyone...but in the end this is how its going to stay and i dun mind that not one bit...i just wanted to let u noe this. Even now i feel confused...so confused arggh..

xq-i'll come out straight with u. I did have a crush on you. You wanted to know who that girl is? Its you. I tried to divert your attention by making it seem like i had a semblance of an interewst in ql. And then i realised that i was manipulating even my frens. so i'm coming clean. But then again i had a crush on almost every girl that was nice to me...that i think i forgot what it felt like to really like someone. So take it whatever way suits u best...sometimes i feel as if u are really lovable...but there are days when i think u are a stupid bimbo. I'm pretty sure i dun hate u though. Thats all i can say. And if anyone wants to tease her or me abt this can just fuck off

qh-you have a really interesting and strong perspective on things...on some occasions i find it uncannily similiar to mine. And i respect you highly for that...u and ppl like brian. In a class where i thought i would die from the sheer stupidity and the immaturity of the ppl inside u ppl were my saviours. i have to admit one thing...i really hate ppl who are stupid. i dun believe thats elitist or watever but oh well. On the other hand i also respect ppl who are smart enuff to convince me of their viewpts when my own viewpts are so damm biased n unyielding...so yeah. I think its a pity our interests dun match though...

ser-there was a pt when i really thot u were selfish and all...bcos u and daphne according to jaime insisted on having a sdd table when there was obviously not enuff interested ppl...and jaime pressed me too hard and i got really irritated...one of the few times i act retaliated instead of just supressing it...and i didn't really understand what it meant to you..since then i was sitting with my class even and i didn't really fit in with them (as opposed to harmoc...where i act hated some of the ppl in there...just gonna name one daphne) and i didn't see why someone else could't do the same...all the same though as i go to noe u better...in large part through your blog too, u were a whole lot better than what my impression of u was. Which wasn't negative act...but can be summed up best as unremarkable.

others-if your reading this blog and want my honest in your face opinion then leave a msg...

if you have an opinion abt me just post it. keep it real please.

This blog is gonna stay. It isn't going to move to a new address as i tried to do at one pt. And i'm still gonna post in it. Just dont expect more of the same. or expect anything at all. Cos i just might not post anything at aall.